| The Amazon is undergoing stem-cell harvest. The harvested cells will later be returned to her body, to repopulate her bone marrow and cure the cancer.
Want to know an odd thing, blog? Ata is jealous. Jealous of her best friend, who has almost died with a life-threatening, aggressive cancer. Jealous because it will be cured. Jealous because she is having the same procedure that would offer Ata a cure for Crohns, if she were sick enough to be offered it. Jealous and hoping that the next time Ata has a flare, this therapy will not be cutting-edge but standard treatment... and hoping that the next flare becomes serious enough to warrant such intensive treatment before it does too much lasting damage to Ata's already fairly shredded flesh. Jealous and wishing it had been invented 15 years ago... or 13... or 11... or even just 7. Actually, 7 years ago probably wouldn't have done me any good, seeing as the last flare took 6 months to even become serious enough to get me into the adalimumab trial... and was eventually controlled with the steroids that have never helped before. At least we know I don't respond to adalimumab, I guess. That means they won't bother with it the next time around... and if adalimumab doesn't help, infliximab won't either - so that's another one not to bother with. Methotrexate does help, but only in conjunction with steroids and I suspect the medical world might be reluctant to put me on yet another course of methotrexate... particularly if the stem-cell bone marrow transplant is established as offering a long-term cure for Crohns, that would mean no more ongoing azathioprine prescriptions to maintain remission between flares, no risk of liver damage or white cell suppression from the azathioprine, no routine blood tests to keep an eye on liver function and cell counts, no risk of short-bowel syndrome from repeated surgery, no need to cut bits out of me at all, and no more hunting for a new drug with each flare. How far has medicine come in the last 15 years? When I was first sick, it was cyclosporine & steroids & mesalazine & azathioprine that eventually induced remission - along with all those horrific side effects, the shivers and the hair growth and the nausea and the swollen face and skin like tissue paper. TPN had to be prepared in-hospital - now I work for a company that produces it as shelf-stock so patients can stay on it long-term without needing to be hospitalised... so even if the forecasted outcome of me losing my entire bowel and being unable to eat does come about, I'll still lead a more-or-less routine life. Now - if I get sick hard & fast like I did the first three times, it could be as little as three or four months of treatment and I get the promise of a cure with no hanging threat that ALL THIS will happen again. Just like the Amazon. I'm glad she has that promise. But I still want it for myself. Is that so unworthy? |
I think it is worthy to want such an amazing treatment for yourself. I don't think you need to feel bad about feeling jealous because if I'm reading you correctly I don't think you truly are. You don't wish you could have the treatment *instead* of the Amazon, you just want it also, and there is nothing unworthy about that. I hope you get your wish.